pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
