just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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