Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
