Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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