I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize