I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
