you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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