shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
