i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
