Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
