That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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