We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
