i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
