My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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