My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
