so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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