so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he fucked my hip out of place.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
