oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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