I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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