How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
People in love make me want to vomit
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
