hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
