just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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