You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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