Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize