The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
