Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
