I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
