i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
