I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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