So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
