Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize