Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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