fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
