She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
