so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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