Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
