I could have mohawked her pubes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
