i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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