Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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