i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize