It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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