Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
