My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
