Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
