ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
