So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
