hotel room ftw
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
