Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
