Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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