what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
