You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
