Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
