i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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