just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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