Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up under a house in Key West
And then he peed in my hair
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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