after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I die, sorry about rent.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
