I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
