Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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