So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
