ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
