I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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