I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
