and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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