Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
