So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize