how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize