I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am one with the molecules
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
