Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
worst night to have a conscience
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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