well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
