Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
